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I needed this

Alrighty, so it's been a while eh? I seem to be starting all my posts with, "It's been a while" now, because I rarely have time for anything, let alone posting on here. At least this is relaxing... Gah. I need to relax and find something better to do. I'd sketch and finish my art project, but meh. I don't really want to. I've been working on it too much.
Well, where to start?
Let's just say, those of you who know me, you don't really know me. Over the past few weeks, I've changed quite a bit. There have been life changing events happening, and I'm a completely different person. I'm listening to different music, I look kinda different, I do things differently, I talk differently, but the only thing that hasn't really changed is who I hang out with.
Oh wait, that's a lie. It's more like, "everybody's stopped hanging out with me" rather than "it hasn't changed who I hang out with."

I've decided I'm pretty bi-polar. Either that or I just have mental issues. Either way, whatever. I'll feel how I'm feeling, you guys will read this 10 mins later (yeah right, I haven't been posting enough for people to actually check), then I'll be in a perfectly bubbly happy mood. But all well. I don't really care, why should I? If I care about my mood or what I'm thinking, I'll feel totally different anyways.
I think I'm going suicidal. I've been under so much stress lately it's killing me. Not that my parents are any help. PSH. All they do is add more. They piss me off so bad sometimes.
This is related to my bipolar. I was perfectly happy because I made a great business deal and have already started making money, then my mom comes in and is all like,

"Oh Em Eff GEE! You never do anything. You're a failure. You suck at life. You have bad grades. You have no life, you don't do anything and I'm going to make you feel worse by calling you a troll and reminding you you never have no friends and nobody hangs out with you. Then just for kicks and giggles, I'll emphasize everything else just to make sure you realize how badly you suck at life and how poorly you do everything. Then, when you show me your drawings, I'll say, "Ok why are you drawing. You need to clean your room or do something productive that's not a total fucking waste of your time." Yeah, there we go. Now I'm totally the best parent ever and I really want my son to respect me."

Alright, well I have a few things to say to this.
First off, right now my grades are better than they've been in YEARS. If she thinks this will IMPROVE my grades, what the HELL is she thinking? First of all, I won't have a computer to actually DO my homework on, and second of all if she fucking takes it away I'll slit her throat, then I'll be in jail so I won't have to worry about my grades. Ah hell screw that, I'd slit my own throat then I wouldn't have to worry about anything.
Seriously though.
She never helps with any of the problems I have. I already KNOW I have no life, I KNOW I'm a failure, I KNOW I suck at life, I KNOW I'm struggling in a few classes, I KNOW I have no life, I KNOW my friends (in real life guys... I love everybody I've met online and I love through the internet, but I mean in real life, outside of the internet and the computer) are running scare, and I KNOW I can't even do anything correctly and I always screw things up.

Sorry to cut myself short, but now my mood has swinged again from pissed to heartbroken and horribly depressed.
I'm going to go now.

The solution is pretty simple:

1) Spend less time on the computer

2) Spend more time with friends or outdoors

3) Get better grades to avoid pissed parents (to know how, see no. 1)

*imitates keith barton* It's JUST that easy.

I will always be there. That may sound like I don't mean it and I'm just trying to cheer you up, but it's truly from my heart. You've been a great friend to me; You always make my day better. Life is hard. But I know you can pull through. It sucks when you feel like you have no friends. It really does. But if you look closer, you really do. I know this from first hand experience. Yes, I've wanted to kill myself many times before. I've even gone as far as planning exactly what I would do. But I stopped myself from dwelling on it so much, and looked at a wider picture. There will always be a friend there for you, even though that friend may be hard to see. There are many hidden friends in our lives. Another thing is that is what we do now, affects millions of people in the future. You may not think that your single life could affect millions, but I really think it can. What if Abraham Lincoln's mother had killed herself? Our lives would be way different. What if my great, great, great Grandma had killed herself? I wouldn't be here. What if I killed myself? The children I would of had would not be here to bring their influence to the world. You are here for a reason. Don't lose faith. You will make it. I know you will.


You poop! Who am I just your e-body?! I can't believe you! lol jk LEvi! I wish I would have read this earlier! You poor thing! You do too have friends....I can tell by the comments that were left. If you ever need anything I am here for ya ok!?

Love you,

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